tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27400573.post8820477459809415645..comments2023-05-03T07:20:48.582-07:00Comments on Lightning Rod Woman: The Destroyer (or Transformer)Tealrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12433499845511810541noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27400573.post-81529856160523005922010-07-17T18:42:40.072-07:002010-07-17T18:42:40.072-07:00I don't want to excuse my mom at all. She did ...I don't want to excuse my mom at all. She did throw me to the wolves, and that was inexcusable. She repeatedly abandoned her responsibilities as a parent, and made my brother and I feel unwanted. She was neglectful, and that is abuse as well. However, only my dad is truly responsible for the violence, physical, verbal & possibly sexual abuse he committed. In my mind, he is the bigger monster. My brother was living with him, after my mom left, when he committed suicide. I hold my mom responsible for a lot of things, but if anyone is to blame for Jeff's suicide, it's my dad. My mom asked my dad to bring Jeff to a psychiatrist when he started making suicide threats, and my dad refused just to fuck with her. He played games with my brother's LIFE, and when Jeff died, he used him to continue guilt-tripping our mom. He outright lied about what had happened in our family, telling his new family that my mom was the abusive one and he stayed to protect my brother and I! It is outrageous what my dad has gotten away with. My mom is not nearly that sick, twisted, remorseless, or evil. She actually means well on occasion, and while I am still angry at her, she is not evil. My dad- I still fear him. He could have killed me. That man took pleasure in my suffering. I could see it in his eyes. He laughed at my pain. <br /><br />On that note, I don't want to confront him because he loves conflict. He would love the opportunity to fuck with me even more than he already has. I don't want to give him that opportunity. That's why I want to spit on his grave. The message is- you won't see me again until you're DEAD. As much as I can cut him out of my existence, the better. He doesn't deserve any more of my suffering. I don't want him to even know what I look like now, how I sound, what I would say. I will never see my brother again (in this life) and he will never see me. Karma is a bitch, and I believe he will get his in the end. I have faith in that.Tealrathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12433499845511810541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27400573.post-28620704619898258902010-07-08T02:50:15.453-07:002010-07-08T02:50:15.453-07:00In my opinion (having gone through something simil...In my opinion (having gone through something similar in my own childhood) your mother and father are equally accountable, thinking of the old proverb.."Evil flourishes when good people do nothing to stop it". She could have taken you and your brother and fled, sent you to a relative to live, etc. She only took action (divorcing him) after you and your brother were no longer around and your father's rage was now directly focused on her. You and your brother were her personal scapegoats. Everything your father did, she could blame upon you,after you both were gone she realized the problem was never with you two but with your father and promptly left him. A classic case of denial, detachment and misdirection. My own mother was severely abused and when my father took it out on me (I was an infant) she left him, but through the years she came to resent me, because her 2nd husband didn't want children and often spoke of how much better things could be without me in the picture. So she now became the abuser because my presence limited her life I guess. She even tried to give me away to her sister at one time.<br />Even to this day she makes no apologies for her actions and behaves as though none of it happened.<br /><br />As to your father. I wouldn't wait until he'd dead to spit on his grave, I would do it now. I would take my boyfriend along with me, pay a surprise visit to him and take back my power that I unwittingly gave to him and tell him (in front of his whole family) exactly what I think of him including all the gory details of what he did/allowed to happen at the hands of his brother and announce that as of this moment he is "dead to me". Then leave and never look back.<br />It's easy to spit on his grave when he's dead because what can he do in return? Not much. So confront him as the adult you are and relate how wonderful your life has turned out without him in it.<br />That is what I would do. Confront your abuser. As I said, take your boyfriend along with you (for physical protection), because once an abuser, always an abuser.Mechi Badbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01418161082496722064noreply@blogger.com