Sunday, April 06, 2008

She's alive!

Dear sexual side of me, (If I'm going to write you, I think you need a name, so I'm going to call you Veronica. I know, that's my bowling name, but bowling is sexy, don't you think? Okay, so bowling is not so sexy, but I'm sure you could make it hot, so we're going with Veronica. I don't want to have too many alter-egos or I'll get confused.)

Dear Veronica,

I see you've gotten work. I love the dress and the knee socks. Very cute. I don't know about your friends' sweaters, though. I never understood trying to make granny sweaters sexy, but I'm no Dolce & Gabbana. I have to ask, are you taping our boobs down? We haven't been in the chest since 1985. It is the modeling world, so I guess I understand. Still, I hope you're not keeping the girls bound up like that all the time. I don't want to look like Posh. And don't make that face.

I just want you to know that I'm VERY sorry about that last guy. I know, he was really selfish and truly terrible in bed. Believe me, you weren't the only one to suffer. The experience was painful on so many levels. I've learned my lesson- no more insufferable prick boys. I totally understand why you left. You just take all the time you need. Have fun.

Don't be a stranger, though, okay? Send me a postcard every once in a while. I promise to take our bowling ball, Betty, out on the town. Maybe I'll even wear a mini-skirt, in your honor. Maybe not. It would be hard to bowl if I was worried about flashing everyone. How about a push-up bra? I could do that.

Take care, you little minx,

P.S. Thanks to Bliss of The Strait of Messia for the Dolce & Gabbana link, and all the Sarah Chalke. I feel brainwashed into liking her. And look, D&G advertising porn!


Anonymous said...

I hope you are aware that you've actually met "Bliss." I sure hope so, otherwise the blogosphere is WAY too small.

Tealrat said...

I am! I think I have his business card somewhere, that wacky networking lawyer. I think the last time I saw him was at your moving to Montana going away party. I feel we have a special connection as a fellow blogging professional from Moscow, but he doesn't know that :)

Bliss said...

Hey, they gave me a GIGANTIC stack - I have to give them to everyone I meet just to get rid of them. ;)

Anonymous said...

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Tealrat said...

I probably started it :P Business cards are a novel concept when you first get them, and I still dig giving them away. I'm eagerly awaiting my new ones, although they keep leaving off my "CPA", the bastards. And guess what, I still have the one you gave me in my fancy business card holder. How's lawyering going?

Bliss said...

Well, lawyering is cyclical - when the economy is good, it's a lot of transactional stuff - contracts out the wazzoo. When the economy is down, lots of litigation - everyone is suing everyone else.

Ergo, I have spent a lot of time in court of late. :)

Tealrat said...

That's interesting that you could diagnose the state of the economy through your job duties. I wonder if you could sell that information- The Lawyer Economic Index.