Thursday, September 07, 2006

Labor Day and Business School (is it really autumn already?)

Hi! Hope you had a fun and fabulous Labor Day weekend, or if you did not get Monday off work, a great weekend. I went to Tucson, AZ with my boyfriend. His friend Tad, and Tad's girlfriend Alanna, live down there. I have been busy organizing my pictures so I can upload them online, including the aftermath of the Tucson hurricane we were caught in. (It does not rain like that in Seattle, believe me.)

I would like to write about that experience as soon as I get the pictures ready. Speaking of which, I am envisioning some changes to my blog. Until now, I have focused on my struggles- the memories, my feelings about it now, and how it colored my life. Writing about it has helped me stop denying what happened, and deal with the shame and other feelings. I hope this blog is helpful to my readers as well. It helps me to read and hear about other people's experiences that I can relate to, and if you have not gone through similar traumas, maybe this blog has been a window into what it is like. The support and compassion people have shown me in response to this blog has been really touching. I have opened up about the most painful places inside me, and instead of the rejection I was expecting, I have received the caring I longed for when these things were happening. Sorry to get all mushy, but it is true. I am so grateful to the people who have listened to what I have to say.

It is not as if I am done with my ongoing struggles with my past and my feelings, though. I am still reading the Emotional Alchemy book, and I have a lot to respond to and explore with that. I also started SOS (Survivors of Suicide) group therapy yesterday. It meets once a week until November 1. We will have weekly homework assignments, and I am sure those will make their way into my blog. Moreover, I still have a ton of books to read. I could just do self-help book reviews every week if only I could read faster. I would also like to write about my attempts to improve my relationships, since relationships have been a big struggle for me.

On the other hand, I feel like the intense focus on my problems can be oppressive. I know I have to deal with these negative things, but my real life involves a lot more than ruminating about my crummy parents and the like. If you just knew me from my blog, you would probably think I was pretty grim. Do not get me wrong, sorting out my issues is a huge project that does take up a lot of my, shall we say, bandwidth. I have dedicated myself to working this out, no matter what it takes. I am a more balanced and joyful person than this blog might imply, though. I have to be; otherwise, I would not be motivated to get better.

So, I would like to write about other things as well, like our trip to Tucson and my new cutie pet rats, stuff like that. I would like to post some pictures, like the one here. I have friends who have never seen pictures or heard stories about my trip to India in 2004. I am volunteering with a non-profit, The Vera Project, as a member of the Finance Committee, and I am excited about that. I hope I will not bore my readers who do not know me personally, but my personal life will start creeping into this blog more. My boyfriend and I like to say we care about each other holistically, and I am trying to be more holistic, that is, not compartmentalize my life. I think part of accepting myself and my life is just to be me, all the time, instead of trying to present only a carefully controlled side of me tailored to different situations and people. So there you go. I am going to have to start posting more often, because I have so much to write,!


teacher dude said...

I'm looking foward to this next phase of your blog. Why not write about all kinds of stuff? Who says that a blog has to be just about one thing?

I started my blog as some kind of way of showing my students how they could communicate with the rest of the world outside the classroom and then it mutated into.. well. I'm not sure what exactly, but that's half the fun.

Tealrat said...

rock on! I just posted about something other than my family. plus, my blog has a whole new look (and categories) thanks to Blogger Beta. exciting!