Tuesday, December 08, 2009

"Then you should say what you mean,"

the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least-- I mean what I say-- that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "Why, you might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, which seemed to be talking in its sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"
"It is the same thing with you," said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.

-Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll, Chapter VII: A Mad Tea-Party

I was just watching "Alice" on Syfy (what a stoooopid name change), a reworking of Alice in Wonderland where Alice is a grown-up black belt who is afraid of flying, the March Hare is an assassin, and it turns out to be a love story between Alice and the Mad Hatter. Ooookay. I don't know that I have anything more to say about that.

Tomorrow is my freedom day. This term was introduced to me by a friend of mine for the anniversary of the day you escape an abusive relationship. So tomorrow is my second anniversary, and also the second anniversary of when I moved into my apartment. This makes today rape day since it was two years ago that, on the eve of me moving out, that boyfriend forced himself on me. I don't know if it was to prove a point, or because it was his last chance to do that to me, or whatever other reasons a rapist might have for being a rapist. I don't know that I have anything more to say about that. As is the way things work for me, it will probably be about a week before I know how I feel about today.

What I'm not talking about is the insane conversation I had with my therapist today. I'm still processing. It was kind of a life-altering, mind-blowing hour of my existence. Just to put a symbolic point on it, I came home and immediately went about figuring how to remove the light cover in my kitchen so I could change the light bulbs. One was burned out, and the other was actually not working because it was broken in the socket, and took some effort to pry out. So now my kitchen is brighter than it's ever been, which really highlights what a mess it is. Now at least I can see to clean it up. Subtext- I pried something open today in my memories, but it's kind of a lot to try to write about right now.

3 comments:

Rad Winters, Alanologist said...

Em hotep; it's Fern from the House of Netjer forum.

I like the idea of a Freedom day. I have a day like that in my own life, and have always noted the occasion, though I didn't really have a name for it.

I like your blog; stay strong sister.

Opal said...

I tried to watch "Alice" too but it was awful - what the hell we're they thinking?

I've been thinking a lot about freedom lately and hadn't heard of the Freedom Day concept before but that's a great idea. Will help with perspective about how far I've come when I feel like I've made no progress.

Kristina said...

Yeah, I think having a freedom day is totally inspiring. :)